Weddings: The Ultimate Social Event

Why is it that weddings get such a bad rap? So many people look down upon them, but then have their own wedding. Why bother if you dislike them so much? Some men might toss off the obligatory, "Well, she wanted one, so you know," but I hear plenty of women complaining about weddings. I understand it's a necessary cultural ritual and rite of passage, but what's so bad about a wedding? Really?

I love weddings.

Let's get that out there first and foremost, because it's about to get all biased up in here.

Reasons why weddings are awesome:
1. Weird family members
They don't even need to be your own to get a kick out of someone's uncle Ralphy
2. Free drinks
Even if it's just beer and wine, you can get as many as you want w/out even getting out your wallet or feeling like you've got a problem, because, hey, it's a celebration. Right?
3. Appetizers
Yes, they're usually more bland and cold than a restaurant appetizer, but they taste that much better after your third glass of wine.
4. Toasts
Most of the time they're terrible, which is often more entertaining. The cliches and awkward fight to stave off the tears make the drink afterwards that much better.
5, Dancing
Wedding dancing is like public school; it's an idiosyncratic culture and event where giving either a half-assed, off-the-cuff effort or an intense, over-the-top effort are completely acceptable (everything in the middle is derided). Even better, though, is the mixture of reasons #1 and #2. Watching your wined-up grandma or uncle dance to Daft Punk or the Jackson 5 makes you want to get down even more and do those ridiculous dance moves you would never do in any other public situation. Golden.
6. Desserts
It used to be the obligatory cake, but now people are starting to break away from tradition for novelty. Cupcakes, pies, dessert trays. These aren't your ordinary cupcakes, either, these are creme brulee with turkish sea salt caramel icing. Even if it is just a cake, it's better than a Costco cake. Let them have cake!

I know of very few other events that adhere to every item on this list - political conventions, perhaps - making them the ultimate social event. I can't wait to go to another wedding.

Excuse me, could I have another glass of the white? Thank you!